How To Build
Confidence & Self Esteem
Who doesn’t want to be confident, right?
We all do.
There are so many courses, teachings out there on mindset, how to hold yourself, how to speak, how to dress and so forth. This stuff supposed to make you more confident, but for some reason, a lot of the people don’t feel confident about themselves even though they do all the “confident things”.
Why the heck they still can’t let go fully of the fear about what other people will think of them or believing they are awkward or “different”?
Well, because confidence is not something that is taught, confidence cannot be stuck on you with the external fluff.
That’s why I like to distinguish “external confidence” from “internal confidence”💃
Let’s figure in this blog post, which confidence type do you have at the moment?
With no outside tools, you can mask your insecurity about yourself.
I’m sorry to break this to you, but no matter how you “science out” confidence and human behavior, if deep down inside you don’t have a sense of worth – people will sniff that because it’s not just about physical – we are energetical beings, so we can feel on a subconscious level what other person is like.
It all comes down to your self-esteem and relationship with yourself and this work makes a lot of people uncomfortable.
Your ego is the one who wants you to believe that you can “fix” yourself with the external things, it wants more, constantly saying how you’re “not enough” and how you should be more like other people..
Well time to take control back!
Before jumping into HOW, let’s determine from which type of “confidence” you’re currently operating from.
Is Your confidence Internal or External?
Do you think you’re confident or..
Just showing up as confident?
Here’s a quick way to evaluate yourself in our crazy world:👇
“Think about why are you confident about yourself?
Maybe it’s the things you have, what you have achieved, your personality, your status, what you are creating – think about it!
GOT IT?
Okay, cool.
Now ask yourself this question:
How I would I feel if all of this suddenly would be taken away?
*poof* GONE
Everything you worked for, everything you possess – you have nothing left, stripped away, NADA, that’s it.
Observe your feelings – did it make you cringe?”
——————————————-
You also could be thinking: “Kristina, I can’t imagine myself losing it”
Congratulations!
You have unshakeable inner confidence!
YOU is what makes YOU feel confident – and you can’t lose it.
Now, if you feel you have the external confidence – it can be turned into internal by letting go of the attachment to your external validators and claiming your own value (because yes, you are amazeballs).
Your Self-Esteem Is What Builds Confidence
To make it easier for you to see the difference between external and internal confidence – I’m going to give you a personal example.
You’ll what role self-esteem plays in “confidence” and what can you do to bump up your sense of self-worth.
Can you see the difference between these 2 pictures?
The picture on the left was taken in 2015!
If you look closely you can see that I have more of a grin, not a genuine smile, trying to look confident.
And by all means, at that time I thought I was really confident in myself because I would be doing what I want, speaking up and just ticking off goals from my “success list”✅
But at the same time:
🤷♀️I had no idea what I stand for
🤷♀️What I WANT from my life
🤷♀️The sense of unshakable self-worth was pretty much inexistent
BECAUSE all of my values were about:
💄The way I look and what I’ve achieved
👁I was just acting the way (that I thought) for people to perceive me as confident
🎭I would shift between identities with different groups so that I belong & I’m not too much
The picture on the right was taken in 2019
It’s obvious that I FEEL different:
💃 I don’t have to show up as someone I am not
💃 Feeling comfortable in my own skin
💃 And I even didn’t wash my hair for it (because Bali) and I know I’m gonna rock it with my being, not my look
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Build Confidence From Within
You might ask: “What has changed in those 4 years?
And what can you do to go through a similar transformation yourself?
Maybe not that much has changed in terms of appearance, but so much has changed internally.
All of this comes down to focusing on yourself and doing inner work.
Your self-esteem will naturally rise when you accept yourself just the way you are, let go of your limiting beliefs (which are just not true) and become aware that you have immense value just because you exist.
Stop focusing on the external and your ego that is always fearful and telling you that you’re not enough and instead go within.
I guarantee you – what you’ll find on the “other side” will give you true freedom and confidence you’re so wanting to experience.
Which type of confidence do you find yourself in right now?
Don’t be shy to share – we all are at different stages of growth 🙂
If you would like to go deeper into reconnecting with yourself AND accepting yourself – check out True Identity Incubator that I created for this reason.
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